i cant

uggghh i been crying ever since i got here .i been so sad i cant even think i try to get my mind off of things because i want my mind to be clear but all i think about my baby boy i miss him sooooooo much :( i just miss him i need him .I NEED HIM

The truth

I never knew how the world worked. I never knew how tough it was gonna be .Nobody does but you live and you learn and if you want to continue living you have to be hurt and if that means that it would get you through life to learn then you gotta do what you gotta do.You never know what life would bring you never know how it would turn out until you actually deal with it .God provides a lot of things for you you life wont be perfect and if it is a lot of people hate you (not all the time) but god throws obstetrical your  way and some of them he will make sure you will get through them and if not hes calling your name to come home with him .Life it hard but you will live through it

never explained ,never said , never heard

There was always things that I couldn't explain like how I felt about the past and things that happened a while ago . I never knew and still dont know how to just accept it  . Its really hard when you love someone to try and figure out why they wanted to hurt you if you never did anything wrong to them. and why did you deserve bad things to happen to you when you didnt do anything . I just never knew. Now there is this one song called call your girlfriend and I always thought that song was meant for me .for the next girl to tell him to  tell me to call me and tell me that we have to talk and for him to give his reason and tell me that is not his fault but hes meet somebody nee. I always thought that these lyrics was for me but i look now and see how they should of been for her . lol . it sounds crazy but i look back and saw what we did and knew how we felt about each other and how he didnt have to explain to her about how is was so different when we kiss because even though we was not together we had very deep feelings for each other and this is why we are together now and how I look back and laugh and think about how she thought that she really meant something sorry but if you did you would with him now and not me.Now im talking about some one that i was with for 4 years now ,we have a baby together and we starting a life together ( marriage).This makes me not think about things like that so much and gets me past all of this .Is that a bad thing? but im happy i got my life back and the person that means the world to me ( not only aj,my son ) .I feel a lot better getting it off my chest and to actually know what was holding me back .I have finally closed that book and burned it (just like the name tag)

what is it ?

what is a relationship if you only make sure your happy ? what is a relationship when you only care about your feelings.Thats being selfish and a relationship cant work like that if you be selfish now can it ? you have to ask yourself am i happy with this person ? do i love this person ?do we  have our differences? yes but at the end of I cant live without this person? that one person . What is it ?

lonely

Another night lonely . Hes here but then hes not here .hes not here with me touching me next to me . another night lonely .The one person you want to be so close to at this time of night is here but not here not hugging me from behind the way i like and kissing me the way i like. hes here for a minute ........... then he was gone ..............................................

IDK

i always did think the best way i felt it was right . It may not have been the right way but i didnt care . it also always didnt get me in the right spot but i didnt care .i didnt care about a lot of things cause i always did things how i wanted to .i react on how i want to and dont care but i know that some times i need to but i dont care .it frustrates me because i know what im doing is wrong but I DONT CARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

up to date

I been happy lately . I haven't been keeping up with my blog because I got the man of my dreams :) everybody has there ups and downs but its left to the people whether or not they want to continue with it ,whether or not do they love each other that much to stay around ,whether or not its they want to work on it , whether or not they are worth holding on to and we are one in a few that is like that .Even thought we have our ups and downs we are good .Actually we are GREAT ! we argue about stuff here and there but what couple dont .im just happy I have him in my life and and he is the one person I dont want to live without .

^date

my life has been ok.there has been a couples of things i dont really like but im ok with it.I wish that things would be better,he just dont understand . but this one is for you

one specific person

I cant stand what that one specific person does ......its just that one specific person. you know you that one specific when you feel some type of way if you reading this ......one specific person . shame on you , you one specific person you have no heart, you one specific .how can you sleep at night ,you one specific person . how do you live everyday ,you one specific person

the boys

get high,fuck a bunch of girls and then cry on top of the world hope you have the time of you life

nicki

dam my sunday night

shit happen but all i can think about all night long while sitting with three strangers was how much I love you .being forced to not talk  somebody you love aint cool . Its been a day since I talk to you and its the most hardest things ever I dont thing I would be able to go through this :( I didnt ask for that.

I cant lie

I must have been a fool
To love you so hard for so long
So much stronger than before
But so much harder to move on

And now the bitter chill of the winter
Still blows through me like a plague
Only to wake up with an empty bed
On a perfect summer day

My world just feels so cold
And you find yourself
Walking down the wrong side of the road

I can't lie, you're on my mind
Stuck inside my head
I wanna feel your heart beat for me instead, yeah
I just die so much inside
Now that you're not there
I wanna feel your heartbeat like yesterday

I never did my best to
Express how I really felt
And now that I know exactly what I want
You found somebody else

My world just feels so cold
And you find yourself
Walking on the wrong side of the road

I can't lie, you're on my mind
Stuck inside my head
I wanna feel your heart beat for me instead, yeah
I just die so much inside
Now that you're not there
I wanna feel your heart beat like yesterday

My world just feels so cold
And I find myself
Thinking about the things I could have done
And it warms my soul
When you let me know
I'm not the only one

I can't lie, you're on my mind
Story inside my head
I wanna feel your heart beat for me instead, yeah
I just die so much inside
Now that you're not there
I wanna feel your heart beat like yesterday
m5

just a feeling

I watched you cry
Bathed in sunlight
By the bathroom door
You said you wished you did not love me anymore

You left your flowers in the backseat of my car
The things we said and did have left permanent scars
Obsessed depressed at the same time
I can't even walk in a straight line
I've been lying in the dark no sunshine
No sunshine
No sunshine

She cries
This is more than goodbye
When I look into your eyes
You're not even there
It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have, oh yeah

Cause I can't believe that it's over

You've hit your low
You've lost control and you want me back
You may not believe me but I gave you all I had
Undress confess that you're still mine
Roll around in a bed full of tears
I'm still lying in the dark no sunshine
No sunshine
No sunshine

She cries
This is more than goodbye
When I look into your eyes
You're not even there

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

No I can't believe that it's over now
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

So much to say
It's not the way she does her hair
It's the way she seems to stare right through my eyes
And in my darkest day when she refused to run away
From love she tried so hard to save

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

It's just a feeling
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have
Just a feeling
Just a feeling that I have

I can't believe that it's over
I can't believe that it's over
Now I can't believe that's it's over, yeah
maroon 5

sweetest goodbye

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home?
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel ,feel feel

why in this time

............................. realy dont know what to say or how to feel im hurt I cry, i feel pain.  but in human .you ask why im crying because im hurt only humans dont have emotion only humans dont feel pain ,only humans dont have remorse .but im human I feel that . watch you tell me later on that there was nothing you can do and you think thats whats best and you dont want to do this now . I knew it was coming . calm me down for  minute,second .time runs out ..................... dead ................... dead............. dead .

him...........just him

It just seems like every time gets harder and harder. why am I doing this to myself .its like a bitter sweet feeling. I love it but at the same time its hurting .i dont know what to do i know its wrong but it feels so right . I hope it is sooner then later I cry all the time I dont want to. to be honest I just wish I didnt love him anymore because it is just to hard to love him but not being able to love him the way I was suppose to ,the way that I adapted to , the way I was born to .pretty much ? I think ? it all just cam so naturally like a arm growing to some ones body you can help it ,its just there you cant break it away or rip it off . its just .......... there like my love for him

my night

while hes looking for for another im looking for him,him to realize who WE are

This right here this is my everything i love this boy to death and nothing will change that this is why it is so hard for me today he was not only my lover he was my bestfriend, my soul mate and my world love people and nobody would never know. the 3 years i spent with him was the best 3 years EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but we still live to this day and he is who made me stronger and he is who shaped me into who I am today and he is who changed my life for the rest of my life.

my life life

today is a really hard day for me because it is somebodies birthday that I really really care about and really love and i cant show them.only god and me knows how much i love him and its not just no little type of love its that love love that cant get out of your head that love that have you waking up in the middle of the night thinking about them , that hurt love , the love where you cant take it no more the love when you know everything would be ok when you with that person. this has been the longest 6 months for me and everyday gets harder and hared .I thought it was suppose to get easier.WELL ITS NOT

my day

today is an ok day . everyday has its ups and downs but everything will be ok just like it will always be .still doing this army thing going to be on it until i get up there i just still need help i want to ask my principle about a ROTC program in my school i really want it to help me more all i need to do is need help


ADD ME ON FACEBOOK :   ilovhsm2@aol.com

todays day

to day is ok i wish it was a little better but i never let anything pull me down . always have a smile on my face :) im a very inspirational person and i always have a smile on my face because if i worry about smiling i wont worry about the bad day im having :) words of encouragment

help i NEED

i want to start something new something that no one probably even ever tried to do and i want to be noticed for it i want to make a change . i want to have a program for the future soldiers that are over weight and they have to lose weight but have to be committed :) i want to have meetings and everything but i need a little help from the internet world to spread the news and if anybody please anybody know the situation and where im coming from PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD I WANT THIS TO GET OUT FAST BEFORE ITS TOO LATE !!!!!!!

:)

my world me heart my everything the person that makes me smile :)

my day

im really taking this army for real and i like it :) im really happy with the choices that i made and im not looking back things are going to be different for now on and im loving how i see my future 

army goal

im trying to get this army life started . the only way for me to do this is to vent about it and think positive.but io need help of other .this blogging stuff just maybe be my new life