i did it !!!

i never thought i would be here to say that i made it i go over my fear of not being with him,of not loving him no more ,of him not loving me no more . I DID IT .I MADE IT . i'm happy i closed that chapter in my life and i am now able to move on and live my life happy and worry free (about him ) he will always have a place in my heart and i would always care for him but i cant care for him more then i do my self and that's what i had to do to over come all of this pain anger and hurt



IM FREE
i never felt soooooooooo good

i cant

uggghh i been crying ever since i got here .i been so sad i cant even think i try to get my mind off of things because i want my mind to be clear but all i think about my baby boy i miss him sooooooo much :( i just miss him i need him .I NEED HIM

The truth

I never knew how the world worked. I never knew how tough it was gonna be .Nobody does but you live and you learn and if you want to continue living you have to be hurt and if that means that it would get you through life to learn then you gotta do what you gotta do.You never know what life would bring you never know how it would turn out until you actually deal with it .God provides a lot of things for you you life wont be perfect and if it is a lot of people hate you (not all the time) but god throws obstetrical your  way and some of them he will make sure you will get through them and if not hes calling your name to come home with him .Life it hard but you will live through it

never explained ,never said , never heard

There was always things that I couldn't explain like how I felt about the past and things that happened a while ago . I never knew and still dont know how to just accept it  . Its really hard when you love someone to try and figure out why they wanted to hurt you if you never did anything wrong to them. and why did you deserve bad things to happen to you when you didnt do anything . I just never knew. Now there is this one song called call your girlfriend and I always thought that song was meant for me .for the next girl to tell him to  tell me to call me and tell me that we have to talk and for him to give his reason and tell me that is not his fault but hes meet somebody nee. I always thought that these lyrics was for me but i look now and see how they should of been for her . lol . it sounds crazy but i look back and saw what we did and knew how we felt about each other and how he didnt have to explain to her about how is was so different when we kiss because even though we was not together we had very deep feelings for each other and this is why we are together now and how I look back and laugh and think about how she thought that she really meant something sorry but if you did you would with him now and not me.Now im talking about some one that i was with for 4 years now ,we have a baby together and we starting a life together ( marriage).This makes me not think about things like that so much and gets me past all of this .Is that a bad thing? but im happy i got my life back and the person that means the world to me ( not only aj,my son ) .I feel a lot better getting it off my chest and to actually know what was holding me back .I have finally closed that book and burned it (just like the name tag)

what is it ?

what is a relationship if you only make sure your happy ? what is a relationship when you only care about your feelings.Thats being selfish and a relationship cant work like that if you be selfish now can it ? you have to ask yourself am i happy with this person ? do i love this person ?do we  have our differences? yes but at the end of I cant live without this person? that one person . What is it ?

lonely

Another night lonely . Hes here but then hes not here .hes not here with me touching me next to me . another night lonely .The one person you want to be so close to at this time of night is here but not here not hugging me from behind the way i like and kissing me the way i like. hes here for a minute ........... then he was gone ..............................................

IDK

i always did think the best way i felt it was right . It may not have been the right way but i didnt care . it also always didnt get me in the right spot but i didnt care .i didnt care about a lot of things cause i always did things how i wanted to .i react on how i want to and dont care but i know that some times i need to but i dont care .it frustrates me because i know what im doing is wrong but I DONT CARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!